Rockland Psychiatric asks about the emotional issues that Caregiver face

Hear about why Christine Sotmary chose to interview 22 Family Caregivers to find out what emotional issues they faced. There are many surprises in their responses! Watch the video interview.

Dad and son break records and save each other's lives

Strongest Dad in the World by Rick Reilly

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him ...26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars – all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much – except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway. Then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 – only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...Have a great life.

1,000 acts of kindness #5

1,000 acts of kindness. Caregiver Access acknowledges Caregivers who suffer with the guilt of neglecting the well-child, or their spouse or their friends in order to provide the level of care that they feel the person who needs them requires.

New Caregiver Story on Caregiver Access site

Lisa tells her story of caring for her mom who has Alzheimer's in this short video.

1,000 acts of kindness #4

1,000 acts of kindness. Caregiver Access acknowledges Caregivers who need to hide their true feelings. You often can't say how worried or sad you are in front of the person you are caring for. You often need to appear strong when you feel shattered. You watch your dreams for your future change or disappear and you can't complain to the person you are caring for. Other Caregivers understand and we at Caregiver Access understand. Come and talk to us.. We know........

1,000 acts of kindness #3

1,000 acts of kindness. Caregiver Access acknowledges Caregivers who understand that the person they are caring for may have become more narcissitic because that's what pain, aging, injuries and disabilities tend to bring about. We understand that acknowledgement, thanks and appreciation aren't always available to you and you still get out there each and every day and provide care.

1,000 acts of kindness #2

1,000 acts of kindness. Caregiver Access acknowledges Caregivers who have learned to speak up, advocate and sometimes "go to the mat" so the person they are caring for will have the services and attention they need. With that same determination we at Caregiver Access are "going to the mat" for the families and neighbors who have become these "mommy bear" Caregivers.

1,000 act of kindness #1

1,000 acts if kindness. Caregiver Access wants to acknowledge every time a Caregiver can still show affection to a mom that's driving them crazy, or a bossy dad, a husband that didn't like what they made for dinner, a wife who complained about which toothpaste they bought at the grocery store or a child whose medical needs are all consuming. Giving a hug, a squeeze of a hand, a quick kiss can feel harder than climbing a mountain.

There are ways to protect yourself from the worst effects of stress. Watch how Rosie O'Donnell has changed her life to better cope.

Here's the video where Rosie O'Donnell on the Dr. Oz show talks about her heart attack, the toll of Caregiving and how she has changed her life to help her cope.

She didn't mention acupuncture. That's another really good way to stay fortified when things get intense during Caregiving. I've had clients say that they were able to handle things more gracefully as they cared for parents or spouses. Acupuncture enabled them to avoid feeling overwhelmed by everything on their plate.

For the New Year I've packaged and discounted four Caregiver acupuncture programs to make it easy to get the help you need to stay in the game. Save $60 with these 3 session packages. Email me at sotmary@gmail.com for more information and to schedule your sessions.

1) Immune Booster
2) Insomnia/Menopause
3) Digestion/Weight Management
4) Stress Reduction/Focus & Direction

Dont' worry, you needn't be a Caregiver at present to take advantage of this offer.
As Rosalynn Carter says:
"There are only four kinds of people in the world -
1. Those who have been Caregivers
2. Those who currently are Caregivers
3. Those who will be Caregivers,
4. And those who will need Caregivers."